The Good, The Bad and The UGLY....

What is happening??

We are STILL waiting on our I-800 approval.  We should have gotten it last week but, when it got to the Texas lockbox they returned it, saying it was missing a page.  Now, as adoptive parents, we do all we can to ensure we have crossed every “t” and dotted every “i” but…. I made a mistake. L  They included the missing page and asked us to sign on that page and return it.  We signed and over-nighted it back to them…problem solved, right? Nope…after another week I called to check on the status and they said it had been rejected again due to a missing page. UGH!  All we could do is wait for the rejection and all of the paperwork to come back in the mail to us once again to find out what had happened.  Thankfully, it came in the mail the next day.  When they sent it back the first time they had included a page (THE missing page) and asked us to sign and return well….they included the WRONG page!  It was indeed page 9 but not the page 9 of the I-800 form.  It was page 9 of the I-800a form.  So we fixed it, we prayed and it was mailed off yet again, in hopes to get approval this week.  I called our officer to check on the status today and he still has not received it from the lockbox and he asked me to call back on Wednesday in hopes of some good news.

How am I feeling about our adoption journey?

I know without a doubt that God has led us on this journey but, I have been having a very difficult time the past 2 weeks dealing with this paper work mess.  I guess I can only describe it as, you now when you are 8 months pregnant, and you are counting down the days?  Well imagine your doctor comes in and says you won’t be holding your baby until 2 weeks PAST your due date.  Everything was suppose to be cut and dried at this point and I just didn’t anticipate any problems occurring at this point in the process.  This paperwork problem has probably cost us 2 weeks with Charlotte.  L  Yes, I know God is in control and I really DO KNOW that it will happen in God’s PERFECT timing BUT, this mamas heart has been devastated.  I feel like I was FINALLY letting myself get really excited and counting down the weeks until we have our baby girl in our arms.  Since this delay, I feel like I am just holding onto the edge of a cliff waiting for this I-800 approval which should have been no big deal.  I told Jason today that I don’t think I will be able to breath deeply until I know we have that I-800 approval.  So, I used to feel totally selfish for asking for prayer for myself or for our adoption paperwork BUT, God has dealt with me on that as well.  And, well, if you pray, I would like to ask that you pray that when I call our officer on Wednesday that he has our paperwork and that we are FINALLY approved and ready to go onto the next step.

I am not proud of the anxiety I have let this cause me.  Why can’t I just understand that 2 weeks in the scheme of things, years from now, won’t really matter at all??  Why can’t I focus on the blessings in my life (I have 4 around me all of the time) to get through this rough time??  Adoption is NOT for the tenderhearted!  I went into this thinking I would LOVE to talk Jason into doing this all over again next year to adopt a sister for Charlotte.  Now, I think NO WAY do I want to go through this all again!  I decided to write about this honestly and frankly because, I want to remember the good and the bad times of this journey we are on to our daughter.   

My 2 best friends are both pregnant and due a week apart and even though they have been SO amazingly SUPPORTIVE, they just don’t understand how I am feeling.  Seriously do I even understand how I am feeling??? LOL!  They don’t understand why I am not running around “nesting” as a pregnant woman would.  We have been preparing for this adoption for almost a year.  And unlike being pregnant, I have known we were having a girl and looked into those beautiful eyes and her PRECIOUS face for 7 MONTHS already!  Studying every last detail of every picture we have of her.  I’ve imagined having her in my arms so many times, bought a gazillion and one clothes in several different sizes for her (no joke), painted and prepared a room for her and prayed endless amounts of prayer for her health and safety. WE…ARE…READY…BEYOND READY for her to join our family.  It’s been like a SUPER LONG pregnancy except that I have gained weight from worry & stress and I don’t have the assurance that our baby girl is safe in my tummy. L  So, I know I might not be typical in the way I am dealing with these last few weeks before Charlotte joins our family.  Unless you have been through an adoption, you just can’t imagine the toll it takes on you and I guess by being in denial and attempting to keep my mind off of the paperwork and Charlotte (yeah right!) it’s just what I am doing to cope with how I am feeling. 

When Jason and I had Will, thirteen years ago, we like most first time parents, were totally unaware as to what was ahead.  Unlike our adoption there was no training, no interviews, no home inspection, no copies of our tax returns, no lengthy recommendations from friends, no notarized papers etc. There are no rules or regulations whatsoever for people to have kids biologically.  With Charlotte’s adoption we are so over prepared that it is ridiculous.  That doesn’t mean I am not still nervous…I am. I just know that God will provide whatever knowledge we need to help Charlotte through the transition.  I just wonder if the process was just a bit easier, if we wouldn’t have less orphans in this world?!?!? 

I know how incredibly blessed we are to be able to adopt and I can’t even imagine the amount of joy Charlotte will bring to our family….am I ready for the terrible 2’s??  You betcha!  J   My prayer now is for our paperwork to go smoothly from here on out and we WILL be holding our daughter very, very soon! J  “Everything worth having, is worth fighting for.”

P.S. If you are an adoptive parent reading this, please give me some encouragement and tips on how you dealt with the last few weeks of waiting.