Tuesday, September 06, 2011

The Good, The Bad and The UGLY....

What is happening??

We are STILL waiting on our I-800 approval.  We should have gotten it last week but, when it got to the Texas lockbox they returned it, saying it was missing a page.  Now, as adoptive parents, we do all we can to ensure we have crossed every “t” and dotted every “i” but…. I made a mistake.
L  They included the missing page and asked us to sign on that page and return it.  We signed and over-nighted it back to them…problem solved, right? Nope…after another week I called to check on the status and they said it had been rejected again due to a missing page. UGH!  All we could do is wait for the rejection and all of the paperwork to come back in the mail to us once again to find out what had happened.  Thankfully, it came in the mail the next day.  When they sent it back the first time they had included a page (THE missing page) and asked us to sign and return well….they included the WRONG page!  It was indeed page 9 but not the page 9 of the I-800 form.  It was page 9 of the I-800a form.  So we fixed it, we prayed and it was mailed off yet again, in hopes to get approval this week.  I called our officer to check on the status today and he still has not received it from the lockbox and he asked me to call back on Wednesday in hopes of some good news.

How am I feeling about our adoption journey?

I know without a doubt that God has led us on this journey but, I have been having a very difficult time the past 2 weeks dealing with this paper work mess.  I guess I can only describe it as, you now when you are 8 months pregnant, and you are counting down the days?  Well imagine your doctor comes in and says you won’t be holding your baby until 2 weeks PAST your due date.  Everything was suppose to be cut and dried at this point and I just didn’t anticipate any problems occurring at this point in the process.  This paperwork problem has probably cost us 2 weeks with Charlotte.  L  Yes, I know God is in control and I really DO KNOW that it will happen in God’s PERFECT timing BUT, this mamas heart has been devastated.  I feel like I was FINALLY letting myself get really excited and counting down the weeks until we have our baby girl in our arms.  Since this delay, I feel like I am just holding onto the edge of a cliff waiting for this I-800 approval which should have been no big deal.  I told Jason today that I don’t think I will be able to breath deeply until I know we have that I-800 approval.  So, I used to feel totally selfish for asking for prayer for myself or for our adoption paperwork BUT, God has dealt with me on that as well.  And, well, if you pray, I would like to ask that you pray that when I call our officer on Wednesday that he has our paperwork and that we are FINALLY approved and ready to go onto the next step.

I am not proud of the anxiety I have let this cause me.  Why can’t I just understand that 2 weeks in the scheme of things, years from now, won’t really matter at all??  Why can’t I focus on the blessings in my life (I have 4 around me all of the time) to get through this rough time??  Adoption is NOT for the tenderhearted!  I went into this thinking I would LOVE to talk Jason into doing this all over again next year to adopt a sister for Charlotte.  Now, I think NO WAY do I want to go through this all again!  I decided to write about this honestly and frankly because, I want to remember the good and the bad times of this journey we are on to our daughter.   

My 2 best friends are both pregnant and due a week apart and even though they have been SO amazingly SUPPORTIVE, they just don’t understand how I am feeling.  Seriously do I even understand how I am feeling??? LOL!  They don’t understand why I am not running around “nesting” as a pregnant woman would.  We have been preparing for this adoption for almost a year.  And unlike being pregnant, I have known we were having a girl and looked into those beautiful eyes and her PRECIOUS face for 7 MONTHS already!  Studying every last detail of every picture we have of her.  I’ve imagined having her in my arms so many times, bought a gazillion and one clothes in several different sizes for her (no joke), painted and prepared a room for her and prayed endless amounts of prayer for her health and safety. WE…ARE…READY…BEYOND READY for her to join our family.  It’s been like a SUPER LONG pregnancy except that I have gained weight from worry & stress and I don’t have the assurance that our baby girl is safe in my tummy. L  So, I know I might not be typical in the way I am dealing with these last few weeks before Charlotte joins our family.  Unless you have been through an adoption, you just can’t imagine the toll it takes on you and I guess by being in denial and attempting to keep my mind off of the paperwork and Charlotte (yeah right!) it’s just what I am doing to cope with how I am feeling. 

When Jason and I had Will, thirteen years ago, we like most first time parents, were totally unaware as to what was ahead.  Unlike our adoption there was no training, no interviews, no home inspection, no copies of our tax returns, no lengthy recommendations from friends, no notarized papers etc. There are no rules or regulations whatsoever for people to have kids biologically.  With Charlotte’s adoption we are so over prepared that it is ridiculous.  That doesn’t mean I am not still nervous…I am. I just know that God will provide whatever knowledge we need to help Charlotte through the transition.  I just wonder if the process was just a bit easier, if we wouldn’t have less orphans in this world?!?!? 

I know how incredibly blessed we are to be able to adopt and I can’t even imagine the amount of joy Charlotte will bring to our family….am I ready for the terrible 2’s??  You betcha!  J   My prayer now is for our paperwork to go smoothly from here on out and we WILL be holding our daughter very, very soon! J  “Everything worth having, is worth fighting for.”

P.S. If you are an adoptive parent reading this, please give me some encouragement and tips on how you dealt with the last few weeks of waiting.


Matt and Maria said...

Hi Kendra!
I've been totally stalking your blog, since we are both approaching the end of the process. I'm so sorry about your delay. The process is so full of learning to put off anxiety and put on trust, and every delay hurts so much. Our prayers are already changing their lives while we are wait, because God is able and willing and loving.

BTW, I've actually gone that "2 weeks overdue" with a pregnancy. It wasn't nearly as bad as this....


Erin Martin said...

It is hard! Waiting is just HARD! And how can it be God's will that our babies stay in an orphanage any longer than they have to!? But it really does fade into oblivion and joy. When we met our daughter in Kazakhstan it was amazing how the joy seemed to both validate and alleviate so much of the pain of the journey. And now we wait on our little girl in China and it is just as hard. But we know it is oh, so very worth the pain!

The Straight's said...

The wait stinks!! Sorry but all I can say is...This too shall pass. You will need this phrase alot during your journey.

Amber Leggio said...

Hi Kendra,
We just got a picture of our baby girl last week and I look at the timeline to get her and I want so much to hold her now. I pray for you and your family and for God to give you peace and for Charlotte to have such a peace when you hold her. I am so excited for you and your family. I have been looking at your timeline to guestimate ours too. We should be DTC October hopefully. :) Our agency won't let me post my baby girl on my blog until we are LOA. Would love to share her pic with you.

Dennis and Ellen said...

I'm struggling with the wait too and we aren't anywhere near the end. I just want to be her Mom today. Why does this have to take so long? Hang in there. God's timing is perfect. I say that out loud a lot these days because I need to hear it. And, I know I am learning lessons I never would have learned without this journey. She'll be her soon.

Amy said...


You should get your I800 approval this week then the next step is a quick one and then the next thing you know you are waiting for your Art 5 and then TA!!!! It is all downhill from where you are. HANG IN THERE!!!! All the other steps are pretty precictable! You are beyond the dreaded LOA wait and this paper snafu is almost behind you. It won't be long now, so get packin. Maybe we will meet in China!

Amy (Aggies9698)

Jennifer said...

II Samuel 22:31-37 has been a source of encouragement to me over and over again. From this passage: "He makes my feet like the feet of a deer." Did you know that a female deer can place her hind feet in the very same spot that the front feet were just in. EXACT SAME SPOT!!! Just like the deer, we can place our steps in the exact place that God wants us to be! God is walking and guiding you through this journey every step of the way! One step at a time!

As we approach our TA (hopefully today), I still am reminded of this path nearly daily! I fail at it a lot, but I am trying to make my steps in the exact same path of my Lord Jesus!!!

Julie said...

"The will of God is never exactly what you expect it to be. It may seem to be much worse, but in the end it's going to be a lot better and a lot bigger." ~Elisabeth Elliot

I came across this last week. We were expecting TA on Tuesday. It came Wednesday. I was overjoyed and sad all at the same time. Had it come Tuesday--we would've been on a plane this week. But God has other plans--and again I had to surrender my will for His. Tough--but necessary for me to be in His perfect will. I'll be praying for you and your family. God has the exact perfect date all planned!

PS. We fly out a month from today!

Maureen said...

Kendra, just read this post after i posted a comment in another place. I guess it looked as though your process was quick, at first glance, until i read this. ugh...i am sorry for posting my previous comment. we have been in the process of adoption since 2008 so at first glance it seemed like your process was quick but now i see that you received your referral early and have been waiting. and, i know all to well that the wait is much more difficult once you have your referral and know who your baby is! so happy for you and your family to finally hold baby charlotte in your arms!

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